Talent and Character

You need two things to be a winner: talent and character.

Is your secret salt "Kosher Salt" If so, we already know that one:)

No. It is found in a mine in the deepest recesses of Death Valley. I can’t tell you the exact location, but I will give you a few hints. Next to a dying Joshua tree, you begin to dig, quickly at first, then slower, and slower as the sun beats down. Then when all seems lost and you are about to pack up your gear and hike out; a deep rumbling is heard from under your feet. Suddenly the ground gives way and you slide down, down and as you slide you see Indian Hieroglyphics on the wall of people eating steak soused with a secret ingredient. You also see, if you look very carefully, magazine adds for Hines 57 pasted on the wall of the cave. But by now you are sliding so fast you don't have time to think about it. You keep sliding faster and faster until you come to a jarring halt. An aroma of dripping steak fills your nostrils. You look but see no steak, only piles of what looks like brown salt. You dab just a little of this salt on your tongue and the delicious sensation penetrates all the way to your olfactory lobes of the brain. You swoon and then suddenly faint from the pleasure rendered to your tongue. When you awaken, you notice, for the first time, skeletons lying around—dead skeletons of course, so you aren't frightened. As you examine the bleached bones, you notice a curious thing. All the skeletons have a smile of exquisite pleasure on their faces. You look again and see the olfactory lobes, swollen and pulsing the skull cavity. You get a creepy feeling when you realize that these unfortunates have eaten too much of the succulent herb. These miners had died from an overdose of season satieties. You quickly fill your sack with the aromatic salt; climb out of the cave, and after many adventures you return home to cook a steak with this secret sauce, being careful not to use too much, of course, because you don't want to die from an overdose of steak sauce. And that is all I'm going to tell you about the secret sauce, because if I told you more you wouldn't believe it.

All my best for a seasoned season,

Cletus 

Don't Miss These Warnings

RED FLAG: DON’T MISS THESE WARNINGS

[SB-2]

SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS   Dysphoric mood or loss of pleasure in usual activities   At least four of the following:    Change in appetite    Sleep difficulty    Loss of energy    Psychomotor agitation    Decrease in sexual drive    Inappropriate guilt    Indecisiveness    Suicidal thoughts   Duration of symptoms for at least 2 weeks   No evidence of schizophrenia or organic brain disease

ILLNESSES OFTEN MISTAKEN AS DEPRESSION   Thyroid disease and other endocrine diseases Parkinson’s disease Sleep apnea Nutritional illnesses Drugs or drug withdrawal Cerebral tumors Coronary artery disease Renal or hepatic failure AIDS Syphilis Mononucleosis Tuberculosis Hepatitis Pneumonia Cancer of the head of the pancreas Complex partial seizures Multiple sclerosis Left frontal stroke Dementia Alcoholism

Encouragement

My Dear Dear Dr. Hawkins:
I understand all too clearly that you think you have been 'defeated' in more ways than one. But I hasten to point out to you that in your previous entries you mentioned a heavenly countryside, a healthy and happy family, a devoted and loving wife, a new, hopeful and convicted boss and even a few prayers have emanated from your wise, OLD heart. 
Now it all can't be THAT bad. Unless you have subscribed to the recently published periodical written by your favorite neurotic 'BW'.
Anyway, we may be going into a socialist period of our country's history but all is not lost. Change is what you tell your patients brings variety and the spice of life. Besides, what about that familiar quote from Shakespeare about slings and arrows of life.
We can't wait to see you back at the ranch. The ranch hands are restless.
Best Wishes!
Withering Wallflower