The Power of Visualization

Imagination powerfully influences successful outcomes. When imagination and will-power compete, the imagination always wins.

Force of will never keeps you striving for success, but proper visualization will. Visualization will make you a winner on the golf course or tennis court and it will enable you to be more successful in business and your daily life.

All peak performers visualize success. Before shooting a free throw, skilled basketball players see the ball ripping through the net. Before great golfers hit each ball, they vividly picture where they want the ball to go.

Likewise, when we visualize a pleasant and contented family life, we will most likely have a happy home. And visualizing business success enhances a good outcome.

A relaxed mind enforces the effectiveness of visualization. Practice this exercise:

Assume a relaxed position. Close your eyes. Silently repeat these words, "Breathe in relaxation; breathe out tension." When you feel relaxed, visualize what you want to happen. Focus on this positive visual image for a few seconds. Hit the golf ball 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway or the tennis serve deep into the backhand corner…or successfully complete that sales call…or peacefully persuade your truculent child to go to his room.

Broadcast Good News

No one ever made a friend or accomplished anything worthwhile by transmitting bad news. Good news, on the other hand, promotes good will and spreads enthusiasm. The message, "I've got good news" gets the attention of everyone. Take sunshine to work. Talk about the positive things your company is doing. Compliment people you work with. Let them know you have faith in them. Always aim to make the person you talk to feel better than he otherwise would.

Talk to your family about the amusing, pleasant things you experienced during the day and let the disagreeable stay concealed. Bring rainbows home. If you can't say anything good about your physical health say nothing at all. No one wants to hear about your aches' and problems. Instead, glorify in your good health and the good things that are happening.

Choose Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm. Corporate presidents voted it the most valuable personality trait. It's the biggest single factor in successful selling. It wins ball games. Inspires audiences. Enhances learning. Builds team spirit. Propels careers. Makes dull days bright.

Choose enthusiasm by seeing your dreams come true. Think enthusiastically. Talk enthusiastically. Become enthusiastic by acting enthusiastic. Your thoughts and actions determine your level of enthusiasm.

Add Zip to Everything You Do.

Walk fast.

Put a bounce in your step.

A vigorous, hearty handshake indicates you are glad to be alive and happy to be with the other person.

A robust smile radiates enthusiasm.

Reply to the mundane, "How do you do?" with an attention getting, "Fantastic...and I'm going to get better!"

Put spirit into your speech by varying the pace, raising and lowering the pitch, changing the tone and modulation.

Talk with more than your mouth-use wide sweeping gestures. Don't hold back. Turn it on.

Force yourself to act with enthusiasm, and soon you will feel enthusiastic.

This is the era of dramatization. Simply stating the facts isn't enough. The truth must be made vibrant, arresting, theatrical. If you want to keep and hold someone's attention, you must use showmanship.

Strawberry Solutions

A psychologist stood in the produce department of a grocery store. As each customer passed him, the psychol¬ogist tested their reaction to verbal influence. He declared to one group, "You don't like strawberries do you?" 90% of the customers agreed with his statement.

He offered the next group a basket of strawberries with this assertive query, "You want some strawberries, don't you?!" Half of them accepted his strawberries.

He asked the third group, "Do you want one or two baskets of strawberries?" 40% of these customers took two baskets; 50% took one basket; and only 10% took no strawberries.

Attitude Platitudes

Whether we are running hot, running cold, or sim¬ply running on overload, we can take charge of our atti¬tude by remembering these aphorisms:

Success has more to do with our emotional disposition than with our social position.

Kites rise against the wind, not with it.

A rubber band becomes effective only when it's stretched.

More opportunities exist than there are people willing to seize them.


What matters is what happens in us not to us.

You can tell when you are on the road to success. It's uphill all the way.

When Goliath appeared, David said, "He's so big, I can't miss."

Wait until the lows pass and you will feel on top of things.

Choices, not circumstances, determine how we think.

Because action cures misery change your motion to create positive emotion.

Where there is no faith in the future, there is no power in the present.

To accept failure as final is to be finally a failure.

Failure is the line of least persistence.

Others can stop us temporarily, but we are the only ones who can stop ourselves permanently.

Our lips program our brain for success or failure.

Act "as if" we are successful and we will be.

Attitude determines whether our failures make us or break us.

Life is one percent what happens to us and 99 percent how we react to what happens.

Gratitude adjusts our attitude.

Attitude is Everything

Two shoe salesmen were given a new territory on a Pacific island. Immediately upon arrival, the first sales¬man placed an urgent call to the home office: "Get me out of here. No one on this island wears shoes."

The second salesman sent an e-mail request to the factory, "Please put everybody on overtime. Will need as many shoes as you can manufacture. No one on this island has any shoes."

Attitude determines the difference between shoed or shoeless. Attitude is more critical than events. It's more significant than what's happened or what's hap¬pening. Attitude is more consequential than the past, than genetics, than education, than money. Attitude is more important than what other people think...or say...or do. It is more important than appearance or tal¬ent. Attitude will make or break an individual, a home, a company, or a country.

Because attitude determines whether we are happy or unhappy, fulfilled or empty, the positive perspective assures us that we can never fail. A hopeful attitude guarantees internal success. Attitude-the altitude adjuster-determines whether we fly high or low, crash or soar, glide or slide.

A couple of days ago I had a pity party. I became upset with everything and everybody. Suddenly I felt ashamed. I wasn't any better than a spoilsport. I rebuked myself: "Anybody can have a positive attitude when things are going well. It's how you act when things are going badly that determines the strength of your character. An appropriate attitude means feeling hopeful in challenging times. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Count your blessings. Look for the good."

I shared my insight with a friend who, later that day, gave me a adhesive label to place on my bathroom mirror. Now whenever I shave, brush my teeth, or comb my hair, I see the message: Attitude is Everything. This little reminder helps me tidy up my point of view.

VALENTINE CHOCOLATES

 

            He sits there for a while, looking at her. She is still beautiful. Her freckles have faded with the years, but her skin radiates warmth, moonlight bathing the contours of her face. Her hair, silver now, softly falls all around the pillowcase. Her emerald eyes, magnetic as always, pulls him to the first time he had seen her—in college, in Professor Mangum’s Freshman English class. He remembers her eyes and her voice, resonant as she recited Shakespeare:

 

As you were when first, your eye I eyed,

Such seems your beauty still.

 

            She was a young girl, filled with excitement and wonder. Her laughter filled the gloomiest day with sunshine. Her radiant smile warmed his life. He had never seen a face so expression filled, ever changing like ocean waves.

            Her body athletic, firm and well proportioned, stomach flat, legs tanned, reflected health and feminine strength. When he wrapped his arms around her body, she seemed to melt into his, summoning sensations of soft snow falling. Her kisses opened the door to heaven.  

            A bird starts to sing outside the window, and he turns his head. Outside the rolling lawns shaded by towering oaks, make life seem secure somehow. He sits there quietly, enjoying nature’s beauty with her.           

            He marvels at the privilege of being married to her for 43-years. He is grateful for the steadiness of her love and her support, even when his mistakes were unsupportable.

            He remembers her hugely pregnant; her long and difficult labor that had him worried, and the doctor too. The sudden x-rays “just to check if her pelvis is big enough.” The pain she experienced standing and twisting to the instructions of the technician as the contractions intensified.

            After the delivery and she was tucked in warm and safe, he walked back to their apartment numb from the ordeal, crying softly for her and her suffering. He was trying to study for the Medical Board exam scheduled that afternoon when a call came from the hospital. She was bleeding. He ran back to find her pale and clammy. He felt guilty—Why did he leave so soon? He knelt beside her bed, praying. Emergency surgery was scheduled. A small section of placenta extracted. The danger had passed.

            Now the menace is different, a slow, progressive slide into oblivion. An aide enters the room to take vital signs and fluff the pillow, interrupting his thoughts. As she leaves, he recalls his flight surgeon days, the vertical power of the F-4 Phantom, over the top, negative Gs. The thrill of riding the helicopter hoist to help those below. The daily adrenalin rush. He had ignored her needs then and she began to pull away, becoming more independent. Sadly, she placed second during the years of medical specialization, the pleasures of academia, and the demands of medical practice. Worldly things made him less considerate to her needs, never knowing how much she needed his attention, and he, hers.

 

The world is too much with us; late and soon,

Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers…

We have given our hearts away.

 

            Making money and buying things. Ambition. Competition. Wanting it all. More recognition. Bigger cars. Larger homes. The best schools. Trying to beat everybody else at everything.  All these things get into the way of what is most important—loving those we care about.

            A crisis. Then a coming together with a better understanding of needs they each had. As was his bent, he remembers other ways that he had let her down and had disappointed her.

            He looks at her. She smiles peacefully. He asks if she remembers walking in the Angelina County rain, drive-in movies Friday night, country summer evenings, the first time he told her he loved her, sitting together after Caribbean lunches, sunset sails, walks along Carolina Beach. She doesn’t.

            He tells her about their trips to tennis tournaments with the kids; reading out loud together; kneeling for nighttime prayers, mountain cabin excursions, board games with the family, card games together—how she always seemed to edge him out in the end.

            He reminds her of riding the jeep on mountain road switchbacks and campfire ghost stories—the Battery Beast, Chug Houndlicker, the Ditch-dog Killer, Gunner Shellachumm. She smiles at his enthusiasm, but the stories fail to register.

            He tells how she laughed when on a canoe portage she fell, the backpack pressing her, turtle-like, into the mud before he ran to help her. He laughs about their first fight when he couldn’t get the wet wood to light. As a last resort, he tore their hiking map throwing it on the kindling. Finally, the fire started, but she refused to let him grill the hamburger patties because “they had been out too long.” She remembers none of it.

            He told her about the basketball games. She would yell loudly for their team, but when it got to crunch time and the game was close, she would hide her eyes with every shot, asking, “What happened?” Ditto for movies. In the scary parts, she always hid her eyes. He would kid her and suggest that they request a ticket rebate because she only saw half the movie.                       

            She shivers slightly. He stands and pulls the covers over her shoulders. Returning to the bedside chair he remembers the mornings when he would make the coffee, and bring it to her in bed where they would talk of prayers and promises, their family and friends, their children and their hopes.

            Gradually, they learned the value of putting God first in their lives, and, paradoxically, when they did so, they became closer. When their children left the state for prospects elsewhere, they became almost inseparable. Friendships became more abundant and more intimate.           

            He considers her biggest fault—one of her few faults. The fault that bothered him the most was this: She never told him what she wanted. She never asked him to do something for her. Because he got the most joy out of giving her joy, he would have given her anything she wanted. But she never told him what she wanted. “You should know,” she said.

            He remembered her father’s funeral when he learned something about her that he had never known before. At the wake she had said:

            My father was such a wonderful man. He had integrity. He was loyal. A good provider. Understanding. He allowed me to make small mistakes that taught me life lessons, while standing firm on rules and regulations that kept me out of real trouble.

            It seems strange, but one thing he did keeps returning to my mind. Every Valentine’s Day he gave me a box of chocolates. That gift of chocolates came every year, as certain as the sun rising.

            Chocolate? He didn’t understand what made her father’s gift so special. In contrast to his father-in-law who gave chocolates, he was a “candy-is-dandy-but-liquor-is-quicker” man, a fast track guy. Run for a gift at last minute, charming the clerk to wrap it. What’s the big deal about chocolate? He was clueless.

            Months later at a party, the discussion turned to chocolate—the flavors—dark chocolate, milk chocolate—chocolate with names he had never heard discussed, chocolate imported from Europe and Asia! My goodness!           

            From then on every Valentine’s Day, he bought her big boxes of chocolates, lots of boxes. He overdid it, she said. Finally, he learned the chocolates that were special to her. Thereafter she got her special chocolates, the ones she liked the most “in the whole wide world.” Her happiness warmed his heart.            

            A rain taps tiny drops gently on the windowpane, bringing his thoughts back to the present. He reaches down. He takes a red package out of a gift bag. He places the package on the nightstand.

            She looks at it.

            “What is it?” she asks.

            “Chocolates.”

            “Chocolates. I love chocolates, don’t I?

            “Yes,” he says.

            “David?” she says. “David. You’re David aren’t you.”

            “Yes,” he says.

            “I’m sorry,” she says. “I didn’t know who you were and I was afraid to ask. I was afraid I would hurt you. You were so kind to me, but I couldn’t remember who you were. David… David…I’m afraid I will forget who you are again.”

            “You remember who I am now,” he says.

            Slowly he gets out of his chair. He goes to her bed. He lowers the bedrails and lies beside her. He wraps his arms around her body. She seems to melt into his, summoning sensations of soft snow falling.

            

Speak the Negative Away

Never verbalize a negative. We avoid saying any¬thing negative about ourselves, our family, our friends, our career - about anything. Why? Because our words are like seeds. What we sow, we reap. Talk negative, reap negative.

Our mind is like a computer with a keyboard and a storage disk. Our senses represent our keyboard. Chemical pathways in the brain's unconscious represent the brain's storage disks. Anything that is typed into our keyboard will be stored for life. Our lips are part of our keyboard. Our lips program us. Speak negative and we program negative into our storage disk called the uncon¬scious mind.

The storage disk (the unconscious mind) is unable to distinguish the truth from a lie. The unconscious believes everything that is put into it. As computer pro¬grammers say, "Garbage In, Garbage Out." Negative program, negative life.

Emile Coue, the pioneer of autosuggestion, coined the phrase:
"Day by day, in every way, I'm getting better and better. I feel healthy. I feel happy. I feel terrific."

He asked patients to repeat this phrase throughout the day. Those who followed his suggestion improved.

Words are a tremendous energy source. Negative words induce negative results; positive words produce positive results.
Negative speech undermines our health and our happiness. A secretary says, "This computer is a pain in the neck" - and guess who has a headache a few hours later? A tennis player says, "I choke on the big points" - and guess who loses important matches? A parent says, "Our kids always get sick on vacation" - and guess whose holiday is ruined?

How often have we heard ourselves say these words: "I'm not as smart as everyone else." "I'm just unlucky." "I can't lose weight." "I'm not getting any younger." "I'm not as sharp as I used to be." "I'll never be a success." "I never have enough time" "I'm messy" " I'm disorganized." "Mondays depress me."

As children we hear negative. When we watch tele¬vision we see and hear negative. (The auditory and visu¬al aspects of television make it a powerful programmer.) Our friends talk negatively. So we get in the habit. We begin to talk negatively. The more we hear ourselves talk, the more negative we speak. We verbalize the neg¬ative and our lives become negative. The more negative our lives become, the more we speak negative.

Check yourself. Listen consciously to everything you verbalize. Does most of your self-talk build you up or put you down? Would you type the words you say about yourself into your computer as lifelong directives?

Imagine getting on an airplane that contains the wrong program. Would you fly on that plane? Of course not. The program determines the plane's altitude, speed, course, and destination. An airplane with the wrong pro¬gram will crash. When you hear yourself speak nega¬tively-stop. Get on the right course. Speak positive words that guide you to success.

You can reprogram your brain. The chemical path¬ways in your brain's unconscious can be broken down in about twenty-one days. Replace negative words with positive words and the negative chemical pathways¬ - the negative programs - will be destroyed in twenty-one days.

Once the negative programs are destroyed, more positive things will begin to happen. You will be on the flight path of success.

If words are the most powerful destiny shaper that we control-and they are-then by governing the words that come out of our mouths, we can have a better chance of having a fulfilled life.

Learn to see something positive in everything that happens. Speak hopeful words. Never miss an opportu¬nity to praise others. Find and speak the good in every situation. Show appreciation at every opportunity. Encourage the timid. Fortify the weak. Use positive words to become all you can be and to help others to get the most out of life. Positive words give you confidence and, in turn, encourage others.

Rather than speaking the negative in advance, speak what you want as if your desire has already happened. Avoid speaking a negative future: "We are looking forward to our vacation, but the first day we go on a trip the kids always get sick." Guess what happens? Your children are sick the first day of your vacation. Speak positively about the future: "We are looking forward to our vacation and this time the kids are going to be healthy the entire trip." Your children have a much bet¬ter chance of being healthy this time.

Positive speech is not designed to detract from your faith. Positive talk enhances your faith. Read the Bible. All of God's courageous leaders spoke positively-espe¬cially about the future.

Feelings Come From Thoughts

The blind poet, Milton, wrote, "The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. "

Thoughts of two famous people underscore Milton's point:
Napoleon who had power, riches, and glory said, "I have never known six happy days in my life. "
Helen Keller, rendered blind and deaf from childhood meningitis, declared, "I have found life so beautiful. "

Events and acquisitions fail to give us joy. Our thoughts can. Mind-body research, psychoneuroimmunology, proves that negative thoughts produce stress hormones. Optimistic thoughts cause the release of endorphins and other beneficial brain chemicals causing good feelings. What we think determines how we feel.

Time for Positive Living

Attitudes are more important than facts
.- Karl Menninger, M.D.

Poor emotional health robs us of valuable time and prevents us from enjoying a balanced life.

The good news: our emotional health depends on our attitude. We can choose: To accept or refuse love; grow from or surrender to challenges; enjoy or complain about our work; modify our habits or let our habits mod¬ify us; cultivate tranquility or be overwhelmed by stress; seize opportunities or cower in a corner; enjoy being alive or dread waking up. Proper attitudes create a life worth living and make time worthwhile.

Our response to life's difficulties determines our happiness and health. Within us resides the gift to accept responsibility for our own bliss. We can shape adversity into an advantage. We can turn tragedy into hope. We can live the life we choose. The power to change gives us the opportunity for a blessed and balanced life.

Turn Off the Television

Throw your television away! Ninety-five percent of television is negative. Who needs more negative in their lives? Television robs more people of their valuable time then any instrument ever invented. Don't worry about keeping up with the news. If there's a nuclear war some¬one will let you know about it.
Although scrapping the television would be better than constantly watching mind constricting programs, there must be some balance in our television time. Television, a marvelous invention that could be used for improving and inspiring us, has become a terrible influ¬ence on our children and suggestible adults. Unwise choices in program selection can erode our minds and waste our time. Let us all - everyone of us - break the habit of flipping on the set when we walk in the room...and let us monitor what we watch.
Rest and Relax

Relaxing, a good use of time, saves energy and improves concentration, enabling you to get more done faster. Rest and think a few minutes before and after meetings. Break up your work schedule with a 10 minute respite every 90 minutes. Walk and/or nap 30 minutes each day. Avoid work on Sundays. A lumberjack knows that the oak cuts faster when he takes time to sharpen the ax.

Listen to Save Time

Have you been late for a meeting because you didn't listen carefully to directions? Have you gotten the wrong impression about a business deal so time was wasted putting together a project that no one wanted? Have you spent hours trying to restore harmony after a misunder¬standing offended your spouse? Has a misinterpretation of what you thought you heard caused a loss of time with your children, friends or associates?
Listening is a lost art ... and an art that can be learned. Mastered and used appropriately, proper listen¬ing can allow you to save valuable hours per week. Listening will help you make time-saving decisions. You'll become a brilliant conversationalist. You'll be pop¬ular. Respected.
Why does a good listener acquire more affection than a good talker? Because a good listener always allows people to hear their favorite speakers - them¬selves. People are a thousand times more likely to be interested in themselves than in you.
Here are the cardinal techniques for listening:
Make the other person feel important by using "you" words.
Observe the person who is talking.
Lean toward the speaker and listen intently.
Don't interrupt with long "I" statements.
Ask questions.
Reflect back using the speaker's words.
Simple rules? Yes. But not commonly practiced.
Think about it. When you last communicated with your family, were you looking at them or at the television? When listening to a report, were you focused on the speaker?

Listening begins and ends with making the other person feel important. Listen more, talk less. To listen, replace "I," "me," "my," and "mine" with "you" and "yours." The more the "you" word is used, the more important people feel. The more important they feel, the better and quicker they respond.
Eye contact looking at the speaker - is crucial. Because the eyes are the gateway to the soul, communi¬cation at the deepest level comes from eye contact.
Concentrating on the speaker builds trust. Improves rapport. Enhances hearing. You pick up nuances in facial expression and body posture when you watch the speaker.
Leaning toward the speaker reflects interest. An open, interested posture encourages the speaker and builds confidence in the relationship. Leaning away indicates indifference.
Interrupting with I statements wastes time. Avoid comments such as, "I lived in Georgetown once...;" "Did you know I... or "I felt like that before...; I remember "
Interrupting with clarifying or empathetic queries encourages the person to get to the point. The following interruptions help speed the person along: "I understand… What happened next?" or "I know how you feel..After that what happened?" or "Would you please clarify that? Did that happen before or after…"
Asking questions develops rapport and understand¬ing. When people enjoy being with you, they share important matters. Talking to people about themselves works with human nature. Talking about yourself works against human nature.
Questions lead to the royal path of persuasion. Asking questions will tell you what others want, what motivates them. You can then use this knowledge to develop a time saving win-win situation. By helping other people get what they want, you can get what you want.

Using your time well will give you more time for living.

Take care of first things first.
Follow the 80/20 rule: spend 80% of your time with the top 20%.
Begin now.
Say "no" to the unimportant.
WIN: What's Important Now - the time management game.
Use transition time appropriately.
Handle every piece of paper one time only.
Set limits on interruptions.
Use your most productive time on prime projects.
Listen carefully.
Delegate.
Take time to rest.

WIN--What's Important Now

Get Up Early
Most, but not all, successful people get up early. They leap from their beds and get the most important work done before the sun rises.
If meetings and routine work duties prevent you from accomplishing priority tasks, get an early start. Begin - and finish - your most essential work before everyone else arrives and the telephone starts ringing. .

Sleep Less
Reducing your sleep time by 30 minutes each day will give you 7-1/2 extra days a year.
Remember, however, that each individual has a unique demand for sleep. The average sleep require¬ment for a young, healthy adult is just a few minutes under eight hours. As we age, we require less sleep.
Know Your Rhythms
Determine your most productive time and reserve it for prime projects. Don't spend your best hours on rou¬tine tasks such as answering mail and reading reports.
Win

Ask: "What's the best use of my time right now?"

This priority question will allow you to WIN (What's Important Now) the time management battle.

Reduce Paperwork

Clearing your cluttered desk will help bring order to your life. If your desk is a mess, resolve to clean it. Pending files, tickler files, and the trash will take care of the majority of papers that clutter your desk.
Make an effort to handle every piece of paper only once. Respond to a letter while the letter is in front of you. Throw away low priority paperwork and junk mail.
Keep your desk clear of all material except what you are working on at that moment. This technique pre¬vents distraction and hopping from one project to the next.

Avoid Boring Conversations

Time is too precious to be bored. Learn something from everyone you meet. Everyone has an interesting story. If listless conversations or people frustrate you, move on. Seek more interesting friends and associates. Avoid tedium.

I Become an Orphan

My father had what is now known as bipolar disorder, his moods would swing from high to low. He was a small brown man with curly dark hair a quick grin that showed white teeth with a gap between the two incisors. People called him “Hap” because when he was happy he was very happy and he made joyous those around him, except my mother. He had a tendency to buy red Cadillac when he had no money. He would somehow talk the dealer into letting him have the car with no down payment and no credit. My mother would then find herself with a huge bill for a red Cadillac. Collectors quickly learned our name and address and just as quickly, we would move to another city. The longest we stayed in one town was six months. This rapid departure was caused by two things—no money to pay for red cavallas and my father’s tendency to become bored with his job. He was a pipe fitter for Dow Chemical. For a short time, he drove a candy truck. He worked in bee yards and on pipelines. He was a roustabout on oilrigs and wharfs. He loaded lumber, hauled lumber, and a plainer of logs into lumber. Any thing that didn’t require schooling he could do—at least for six months. When my father wasn’t moving from job to job he was moving from hospital to hospital. He was a patient in every VA hospital in Texas. He was treated there for depression and combat stress. He was a tail gunner in the US Air Force during WW II. He was never treated for mania. I remember looking in on him in the hospital. I stood on a chair up to a small windowpane in a door and looked into a small room. He was sitting hunched over on an army cot, sobbing uncontrolably.

            My mother sobbed a lot too. About a week before Christmas, my father wasn’t at home. He wasn’t at home a great deal of the time. Where he was no one said. Indeed he was gone so much of the time that to have him home was unusual. That Christmas season I was already in bed when I heard a loud knock on the door. My mother answered. There was a loud and insistent man outside, yelling at my mother. She began crying. A lay in bed puzzled, not knowing what to do. After awhile the man left. Many years later, I realized the man was a bill collector. That must be a terrible job, making young women cry at Christmas time.

            When I was nine years old, my mother could stand it no more. She divorced him. It was sometime in the late afternoon when he came in the house crying. He hugged me and said he was going to miss me. I thought this was strange because I was always missing him. I never saw him again.

            My grandfather and grandmother had abandoned my mother when she became pregnant with me and was not married. My mother always felt neglected by her family. She was the middle child of five. Her three brothers and one sister were just as smart as she was and she was very smart. She graduated from college when she was nineteen and immediately began teaching school. She complained that her mother and father failed to attend her college graduation. They attended everyone else’s graduation, but not hers.

            Because my mother felt neglected—she was aloof and quiet. The rest of the family was rambunctious and gregarious. When you are quite in a family of eccentrics, you begin to develop an inferiority complex and you become a wallflower. When my mother met a GI bound for England, she no longer felt neglected. He paid attention to her. He was uneducated, but fun. They got together and made me. He left for England and she was sent to Amarillo 750 miles from her home to have me. She stayed with a distant cousin who didn’t like her and made her leave as soon I was born. My grandparents, ashamed of my mother’s dalliance refused to ever see my mother again. They never saw me. When my mother was killed in an automobile accident, I became an orphan when I was eleven.

            When you are eleven years old and an orphan no one wants you. Every Christmas time infertile couples would come by the orphanage to choose a child. I guess they decided to get a child instead of a puppy for Christmas. They always choose the infants and the cute toddlers. They ignored me.

            I was surprised when Dr. Coleman picked me. I was sixteen. He seemed to like me. His wife tolerated me. He would play catch with me in the back yard. He was the only surgeon in a small town. He let me be his first assistant. He would take out gall bladders and stomachs that were riddled with ulcers. He would repair abdominal aneurisms. He world repair hips, do mastectomies, drill holes in the head to remove blood clots on the brain. I was his first assistant. I was happy and then he died from a heart attack just after he had let me sew up a man whose hernia he had repaired. He came out of the operating room bragging on me, telling me I had the hands of a surgeon and one day I would go to medical school and then come back to help him do surgery when I got my MD. He was talking and then he wasn’t. After he died, I returned to the orphanage. 

Courtesy Improves Scheduled Appointments

Always be on time. It's polite.
Always be on time. It's the right thing to do.
Always be on time. It saves time.
Always leave before your time is up. It's respectful.
What if people make you wait longer than is usual¬ly expected? Let them know that your time is just as valuable as theirs. Courteously say: "Mr. Banker, your time is valuable and it seems as if you have had a hectic day. I know how you feel, I've had days like that before, too. I have a meeting that starts in an hour; I'm afraid that I won't be able to discuss my account with you and get to that meeting on time. Loan me the $1 million now and we'll both save time." A statement like this tells Mr. Banker that you value your time as much as he does his. Next time you have an appointment, you will be seen promptly. If not, find a more respectful banker¬ and one who has money to loan.

Be Brief

Brevity, the heart of conversation, shows respect. Treating the other person with respect encourages pro¬ductive conferences and meetings. Smile. Nod affirma¬tively. Look the person in the eye. Don't appear to be in a hurry. Say, "Because we respect each other's time, let's briefly cover the main topics and we'll decide what to do about them." Stand up-politely-when you are ready to terminate the conversation.

Saying "No"

Many of us have difficulty saying "no." We give, give, give until our time and energy have been consumed, dedicating our selves to martyrdom. Hours are wasted saying "yes" to projects that don't hold our inter¬est.
Wasting time volunteering for activities that are less important than accomplishing our goals causes resentment and irritability. We must say "no" immedi¬ately to projects that interfere with our goals. The soon¬er we get in the habit of managing our time, the quicker we can accomplish the goals that matter. Remember: If we don't control our allotment of time, someone else will.
Most commonly we say "yes" in an attempt to have people like us. We're like puppy dogs wagging our tails at everyone we meet, pleading for them to be our friends.
At other times guilt causes us to say "yes" to pro¬jects that don't help us accomplish our goals. We sigh
deeply and with a droopy face say: "Well, someone has to participate in the project. It might as well be me."

After we've said "yes," we might spend countless hours trying to get out of our commitment. Or we might do a sloppy job on projects that we don't enjoy. This behavior annoys and disappoints others. Saying "no" immediately - and with respect - saves everyone a great deal of frustration.
Is saying "no" to less important projects selfish? Of course not! If our values are correct, conserving time for our goals will eventually help more people than a pro¬ject that fails to fulfill our dreams.
Practice saying "no" with grace. You can learn to let your "no" make the other person feel important. Here are couple of honest ways to say "no" with style:
"Wow! That's a worthwhile project. It doesn't fit into my time schedule right now. I'm honored that you would ask me to participate as a committee member. Thanks for asking. Unfortunately, because of other time pressing commitments, I'll have to decline. No. (Pause for a sec¬ond or two.) I wish you well. Good-bye."
"That project sounds great. I bet you will do well on it. You've got a lot of drive and ambition. Unfortunately, I don't have the talent or commitment to participate. One of the things I've learned through the years is what I can and can't do. My getting involved would be a waste of your time. No. (Pause for a second or two.) Best wishes on your project. Good bye."
When you say "no" with refinement you make the other person feel important. You show respect to the other person. And you treat yourself with respect. You are essentially saying to yourself, "I have dreams and goals. I know the things I want and I'm going after them. "
Remember: It's better to be respected than liked. When others respect you, they will eventually begin to like you for your strength of character.

Overcome Procrastination

Procrastination, doing low-priority tasks before high priority activities, robs us of valuable time. We usually do the least important things first because they are easier. We put off the most important things because they are hardier. When we work on the unimportant, we worry about the crucial tasks that aren't getting done. We get tension headaches. Ulcers. High blood pressure. Our doctors get rich, but we still haven't done what's most important. There are four major reasons for pro¬crastination:
1. Laziness
To defeat laziness, begin. Once moving, you'll tend to keep going. It takes greater energy to start an activi¬ty than to sustain it. For example, if you're writing a screen play, put something on paper. Forget about sharpening pencils, arranging paper, reading one more script for inspiration. Write. Writers write.
2. The Quest for Perfection
Nobody is perfect. Nothing created by anybody is perfect. Stop fretting about getting everything just right. Learn to do your best and accept the results. Expecting perfection never gets anything accomplished. To continue with the writing analogy, get that first draft done. Forget semicolons, active verbs, dangling participles, mixed metaphors. Just get something down on paper. You can revise and rewrite the screenplay later.
3. Indecisiveness
To overcome indecisiveness, use the ready, fire, aim approach. Fire it up there. Then aim it. Make some mistakes. Learn. Adjust. Move on.
4. Difficult Tasks
Break down a difficult task into easy steps. Just do a little at a time. You write a screenplay or a book one page at a time. Write one page a day and at the end of a year you will have written 365 pages.

The 80/20 Rule

Remember the 80/20 Rule
The 80/20 rule comes from Pareto, an Italian economist, who found that:
80% of the wealth is held by 20% of the people.
80% of the sales are made by 20% of the sales force.
80% of the purchases are made by 20% of the customers.
80% of books borrowed from libraries are borrowed by 20% of the people.
80% of the money made in seminars will be with 20% of the companies.
80% of the work completed will be done by 20% of the people.
Focus eighty percent of your energy on 20% of the people and activities that pay big dividends.

First Things First

First Things First
A well-used time management .rule says, "Success depends on what you neglect." To get something impor¬tant accomplished, neglect the unimportant, devote time to the important.
Always follow the cardinal rule of time manage¬ment: First things first. Early each morning make a list of those things to be accomplished. Review your goals. Then number your activities in the order of their impor¬tance based on how those activities will help you accom¬plish your goals. Complete the first item first.
The second , second. The third, third. If you don't get to number four, no big deal. Avoid criticizing yourself if you fail to achieve everything on your list. Remember, you did the most important things first.

Time for Priorities

Neglecting the Unimportant

Those who apply themselves too closely to little things often become incapable of great things.
-- LaRochefoucauld

Huge dreams are worthless without the time to make them come true.
Many of us complain that we don't have enough time. False! All of us have the time. Instead, most of us waste the time we have. Or because we don't think that we can achieve our fabulous dreams, we won't set aside time to fulfill them. We spend all our time on insignifi¬cant things and have no time left for the activities that will achieve our dreams. We're too busy making a living to develop a lifestyle. That's what this chapter is about¬ efficiency and productivity-making dreams a reality.

From Habits Come Character

Keeping your eyes on your dream will make your goals, activities, and habits enjoyable. Just as a champi¬on bull rider concentrates on completing an eight second ride, a football player focuses on each five second play, and an alcoholic remains sober one day at a time, you-the self-disciplined achiever - give your best effort to each activity. Failure to visualize a clear future objective - failure to keep your eyes focused on your dreams ¬makes meaningful routine dull and boring.
When you become frustrated by the routine, keep your eyes on the dream.
When you become disappointed by rejection, remember the dream.
When you fail to advance as quickly as you would like, visualize accomplishing your dream.
Hear what people will say when you attain your dream. See what people will do when your dreams come true. Feel - right now - the excitement of fulfilling your dream. Keep your dream - and the exhilaration of completing your dream - in your heart and mind all the time.
From dreams, come goals.
From goals, come activities.
From activities, come routines.
From routines, come habits.
From habits, come character.
Character is marked by the following virtues: integrity, persistence, courage, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and wisdom.

Act Now

Activity List

To achieve your goals, act. Act now! Without action, your dreams are worthless. Your goals are wishes. Your plans are ashes. Action alone gives worth to your dreams. Only action determines your value. You are what you do. Your actions describe you.
The lazy wait until tomorrow. The weak expect to be strong tomorrow. The failure anticipates success tomorrow. Success does not linger. Act now! Act now! Act now! Today is the perfect day to begin.
Plug away at the daily activities that fulfill your dreams. Through self-discipline - developing the habit of doing the best you can day after day-you gain the max¬imum benefits from your time. Cultivating a strong, healthy routine supports a successful, fulfilled life.
Your activities become habits. Habits become your character. Your character becomes your destiny. Become a slave to good habits. Doing the right things right, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day develops strength of character that leads to success after success.
Routine activities develop habits that will help you achieve your goals and your dreams. If your goal is to write a book in one year, one of your daily activities would be to write a page a day.
If you wanted to make a million dollars in annual sales, one of your activities may consist of making ten sales calls daily.
Focus your activities on those things that will help you achieve your goals. Make a list of activities that you will do daily or weekly to accomplish your goals and do them-every day, every week, every year. Your daily activities can be divided into personal, family, and spiri¬tual activities; career activities; and self improvement activities.
My personal, family, and spiritual activities are:

My career activities are:

Build Your Own Dream

Build Your Own Dream

You can start to dream with a vision statement-a phrase or sentence that tells what you are about. Here's an example of a vision statement: "I live a life that will bring encouragement, optimism and hope to all I meet." Note that the statement is in the first person, present tense indicating that the future begins now.
As you consider your vision statement, be certain you're using your own measuring stick-not your mother's, or father's, or your wife's, or your husband's, or your friend's. What do you want out of life? What's important to you? What are you about?
Here are some questions to help define your vision statement. As you answer these questions you'll be able to understand what motivates you:
What three activities are most important to you?
What three activities give you the most enjoyment?
What three things do you want written on your tombstone?
What three things do you want to do for others?
What three things would you change about your life?
What three qualities would you most like to see associated with your reputation?

Expand Your Financial Dreams.
What ten things do you want in life? Would you like to get out of debt? What kind of house do you want? What kind of cars do you want to drive? If you had all the money you wanted, where would you go on a vaca¬tion? Where do you want your children to go to college? How much money would you like to give to your church or to charities? When do you want to retire? (Retirement depends on money, not age.) What net worth do you want to accumulate?

Make a dream list here:


Now study everything you have written so far. Sum up, in one or two sentences, a concise description of who you want to be. Write your vision statement in the first person, present tense.
I am a person who:
Formulating a vision statement and writing down those things you desire helps you focus on your plea¬sures, your talents, and your bliss. Once you've expand¬ed your vision, your expectations will direct you toward fulfilling your dreams.
It helps to put your dream statement on the refrig¬erator. Read it regularly. Cut out pictures of the things you want to enjoy. Look at the pictures several times a day. See yourself becoming your dream and living the life you want to live.
When you dream extraordinary dreams, some peo¬ple - perhaps a family member, friend, co-worker, or even your boss - may try to take your vision from you. When they see pictures of your dreams on the refrigerator or the bathroom mirror, they will think you have flipped. When they see a first person, present tense, vision statement they will know you have gone over the edge. When they see you joyful and smiling, positive and optimistic, they'll wonder what drug you are taking.
They will worry about you. They will try to steal your dream: "Don't get so excited, this might not work out." "You've got a good job; why do you want to change to something so uncertain?" "I know someone who tried that and they failed miserably."
Unfulfilled people are like crabs. Put crabs in a bucket and watch. If one crab attempts to crawl out of a bucket, the others pull the adventurer back down. People are like that. If you get a dream, they'll try to destroy it.

Go for excellence and you'll be laughed at, criti¬cized, and gossiped about. Who cares? It's your life. Trade acceptance for excellence.
When someone or some event in your life begins to steal your dream, don't despair. Stand tall and straight, face the cold and penetrating wind of dissension and press on toward your dream.

A Brief Interpretation of MERE CHRISTIANITY

Book I = Our conscience is one proof that God exists

1. Everyone knows the difference between right and wrong (Lewis calls this innate knowledge the Moral Law), but we don’t always do what is right
2. The Moral Law overcomes selfishness or self-serving behavior
3. The Moral Law is as “hard as nails” but God has given us a carpenter (Jesus) to help drive those nails

Book II = What Christians Believe

1. God made the universe
2. Evil is good gone wrong
3. Free will gives the opportunity for evil to exist
4. Jewish history is a series of stories that serve as examples and warnings
5. Jesus, a Jew, is the ultimate proof that the Jews are God’s chosen people
6. Christ’s death put us right with God
7. Without the help of Jesus and the Holy Spirit we would never be able to surrender ourselves to God

Book III = A discussion of the spirit, the mind, and the will

(The soul is like a soup with ingredients of spirit, mind, and the will (our actions) all mixed together so that we cannot separate one from the other

1. Morality consists of:

1)    Relationship between man and man

2)    Individual choices

3)    Relationship with God (this relationship gives us a moral purpose)

2. The Cardinal (pivotal) virtues

1)    Prudence—the intelligence to make the correct choices

2)    Temperance—the Golden Mean between too much and too little

3)    Justice—the ability to determine the fair thing to do

4)    Fortitude—Courage (grace under pressure)

3. Emotional conflicts interfere with making the correct moral choices
4. Love is an act of will not a feeling

1)    Because fleshly sins are a distortion of love, sins of the flesh may be less bad than spiritual sins, but both separate us from God (A prig is worse than a prostitute but both peccadilloes will be penalized)

2)    Unchastity is not improved by perjury—being unfaithful and lying about it is worse than being openly unfaithful

5. Anger at evil is a Godly thing but the Christian goes beyond anger by asking Christ and the Holy Spirit for help in wishing the best for the evil one
6. Good and evil increase at compound interest—little daily decisions are of infinite importance
7. Christians are emboldened by the hope that God-given eternal desires will be fulfilled
8. Faith enables us to have the patience to wait for the answer when we don’t understand a spiritual dilemma
9. Bible reading, prayer, and worship are necessary to help maintain faith 

Book IV = A discussion of theological concepts

1. Theologians give us spiritual maps just as explorers give us geographical maps, but like explorers some theologians draw more accurate maps than others
2. The three-person God makes God a personal God

1)    Jesus related to us as a man

2)    The Holy Spirit is inside us

3)    God is omnipresent

3. The resurrection of Lazarus in a example that with God time can go backward as well as forward
4. Christianity spreads like an infection
5. Christ can give us the abundant life when we turn our lives over to Him and stop acting like obstinate toy soldiers
6. Christ is like Beauty in The Beauty and the Beast—His love can transform us into loveable beings
7. Surrendering to Christ is the most difficult of things to do, but it gives us the easiest life
8. Being a good citizen, a good mother, a good husband, a good doctor, a good scientist, a good banker, etc. can make us so smug that we never surrender our lives to Christ
9. The more we let Christ into our lives the more courage we have to be honest with ourselves and with others—we become more transparent because we are not afraid to allow people to know what we are really like

Time to Dream

Time to Dream

The Bigger the Dream, the More the Time

Whatever you can do or dream you can begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic to it.
-- Goethe

Who stole the American dream?

Who snatched our aspiration to be in charge of our lives? Who hampered our desire to go as far and as high as our spirit and character could take us? The govern¬ment? Corporate America? Our boss? Our friends? Our family? Television? Laziness? Procrastination? Disorganization? Low self-esteem?
Some may have forgotten how to dream-or never learned. Others may just watch visionaries build their dreams - and think it's impossible to have what they have. A few people walk around saying, "What's happening? Who's dreaming?"
We surrender our dreams for many reasons. Whatever the cause - social or psychological - a meager number of people know how to dream big. That's sad, because we limit our potential when we won't allow our¬selves to dream. No matter who (or what) caused us to relinquish our dreams, we - each of us - have the ulti¬mate responsibility for deciding to dream again. Our desire determines our destiny.
All of us would do well to open our minds to our dreams-and to expand our dreams.
Why? Because the bountiful dreamers, and those who plan and organize their dreams, have a life of abun¬dance.
They are fulfilled. Productive. Enthusiastic. Energetic dreamers look forward to each new day. Dream builders have all the money they want to help others. They contribute to society and savor the fruits of their labor. They have time to enjoy life. Time and money give them lifestyle-the freedom to take vacations when¬ever they want, the opportunity to choose how to live their lives, the privilege to raise a family without restraint, and the capacity to develop their talents.
Prodigious dreamers have the greatest motivation to plan and organize their lives to fulfill their dreams. Message: Dream liberally! Dream lavishly! Dream luxu¬riantly!
If you've lost your dream, resolve to change now. Expand your vision. Open your mind to unlimited possi¬bilities. Learn to dream again. Success and fulfillment always begin with desire.

Why I Wrote Leverage Your Time; Balance Your Life

I wrote this book because most of us, almost all the time, fight the battle for possession and power. We find ourselves trapped on the freeway of rush. We have a shopping-mall mentality, a lunch hour McDonald's appetite, a sales-meeting life's philosophy. Before we know it, perhaps even without wanting to, we find our¬selves leaping into the commotion without really consid¬ering whether we have an option. Our minds are made static by noise - radios bellowing, TVs babbling, pagers beeping, traffic buzzing. Everywhere, all the time, voices call our names. All of us are busy, perhaps productive...and very tired.
All of us sense that we were not made for the rush ¬hour, freeway kind of life we frenetically live. We seek calm, not chaos. We know, innately, that simpler times create better times. We desire peace, a life that focuses on beauty and truth, a life separate from the cluttered existence our culture promotes.
Yet, activity is necessary. We must produce-all of us-or we become drones of society, unweaned heifers sucking the public teat. Inactivity destroys the zest for life. There's no joy in constant watching, just numbed buttocks and deadened minds. We were not made to sit and isolate ourselves. We were created for motion and mastery.
Is there a halfway point between burn out and rust out? Yes. Balance is a choice.
Each day we can find a place to retreat. We can turn off our noise boxes and enjoy a refuge where we can rest and renew. We can eliminate non-productive activi¬ties. We can say "no." We can reserve a corner of peace, close our eyes and step through our mind's windows into a simpler world. We can enjoy a book. Stroll down a for¬est's path.
The sweet fundamental things of life make living worthwhile. Life is balanced by being alive to both side of our nature - duty and serenity, work and love, activity and rest.
Nearly all of us blame our unbalanced life on the lack of time. We can be heard complaining in the eleva¬tor, in the office, in the grocery store, at church, at home, at the gym. We proclaim our dear time's loss. We marvel at time's swift foot. We recognize ourselves in these cries:
"I'm in the car all day and night taking the kids from one event to another."
"Too many projects!"
"Family? I never have enough time for them."
"The little things consume the time I could dedicate to important activities."
"I get a headache every time the phone rings."
"All those business meetings do for me is put callouses on my rear end."
"These constant interruptions make me sick to the stomach."
"We didn't take a vacation last year because our business consumed us."
"Time for myself? You've got to be kidding!"
"Committee meeting!?! Oh no!!! Not another one!!!"
"Life style? What's that?"
"A nap? Considered it But no time for one."
"Spiritual life? Oh yes, I attend church for an hour just about every Sunday."
"I could have 48 hours a day and still couldn't catch up."
Poor time management, not lack of time, engenders these complaints. Poor planning steals hours each day at home, at work, from the mother, the student, the teacher, the doctor, the lawyer...even the candlestick maker. This book was written for all of us - to help us enjoy a productive life, a balanced life, a successful, meaningful life - and to find time for every activity worthwhile...time for every season under the sun.
Haven't many books been written on time manage¬ment? Yes...hundreds rest on dusty shelves. Either they haven't been read or they haven't been understood. They are too impractical or too long. The more books that have been churned out, the less time we have to study them and practice the techniques suggested in them.
That's what makes Leverage Your Time, Balance Your Life unique. It's brief. To the point. Gives clear sug¬gestions. Can be read in one night. Referred to during the day. It can be read again and again, until every page becomes implanted in the mind. Leverage Your Time, Balance Your Life is a handbook. A handbook for living.
I wrote this book in the second person because it's designed for you. You are busy. You don't have time - ¬yet - for theory or romantic prose or stories. You just want the facts. Cut to the heart of the thing. Get on with it.
Applying what's written in Leverage Your Time, Balance Your Life will give you a fulfilled life, a balanced life. Practicing what's written here will help you:
Have time for your dreams to come true
Find time you never knew you had
Learn to set priorities
Organize your life
Learn to refuse worthless projects
Defeat procrastination
Organize efficient time-saving meetings
Give up the quest for perfection
Overcome indecisiveness
Balance your work and leisure time
Find time for romance
Cultivate a spiritual life that gives life meaning
Have fun every day
Use rest power
Improve family communication
Find time for your children
Rid your life of time wasters
Write bold, brief, empowering letters and memos. Defeat negative emotions that mess up your life
Rid yourself of bad habits that steal your time
Add more life to your years
Live one day at a time
Reduce paperwork clutter
Translate your dreams into achievable goals
Know your core values for a successful life

May Day

According to Virgil, Roman youths used to go into the fields and spend the first of May in dancing and singing in honor of Flora, goddess of fruits and flowers. Robin Hood died on the first of May.